Parenting can be fun though tasking. May all hardworking parents endeavour to make it to kids special events. It makes a difference.
Doing Mummy Dutiesš§”
Hi Lovely people. Hope you have all been good and in good health? I have missed writing often here. Life happens sometimes right?
Parenting and works is not a joke. Anyway, enough of all that. Let me gist you.
I saw this child the other and I felt I should write about her.
We are at kids school event and everyone was in a happy and celebration mood. We had come to watch the kids perform.
It was a fun packed day both for the kids and parents. We got to participate in the race too. Parents and teachers ran.
Let me tell you what got to me on that very day. During lunch time, all parents were allowed to go and see or get their kids. The school provided lunch and parents were already told to come with packed lunch too.
Live at the sports event
On going to fetch my daughter, I saw this little girl crying. Something drew my attention to her.
She was not just crying, she was not wearing the colourful shirts like other kids.
I went to her. Her lunch from the school was next to her. I asked why she was crying. She said it was because her parents were not there.
I tried to reassure her and try making her to understand that her parents love her and have a good reason not making it to the occasion. The more I talked she sobed.
I asked if she was hungry and she said no. I felt for her. Others kids have their parents supporting them but that isn’t her case.
I had some many snacks on me but careful not to offer as I do not know her allergies. However, she said no too. She was well behaved too.
This incident gave me mixed feelings. I know as parents we need to do our best to provide for our kids. On the other hand, it is imperative that we mark special events with them. They shouldn’t feel left out.
I do not know the full story so I cannot fault her parents that much.
I hope we are able to work, earn well and still able to make our kids special events.
Those special times matters a lot.
It helps them feel loved and special; which they are.
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Earlier this year I purchased 5 books, one of them was “The Gentle Discipline Book.”
The Gentle Discipline Book: How to raise co-operative, polite and helpful children Book by Sarah Ockwell-Smith.
I like the fact that almost anything imaginable has been written.
In the course of trying to know how to communicate and raise kids better, I resolved to getting a copy of this book.
This book has made me aware of certain things I did not know when it has to do with dealing with kids.
For instance, it explored their psychology, their behaviours, their hierarchy of needs, what parent expect from kids that are not realistic and many other aspects.
You will be surprised to know that most things that worries you about your kids are quite common with kids generally.
Raising kids can be challenging but it good to know that we are alone.
I like to read or research stuffs, so I knew there is no way I will not read from experts regarding raising better kids and all that it entails.
Before I went for this book one of my major concern was communication with kids.
If there is a way of doing it by mere talking and both parties happy and satisfied at the end why not?
Why spank and stress if there are better options?
I am the type that can be strict sometimes but I want to get it right with kids.
I want to strick a balance and raise a reasonable, well behaved and not spoilt child.
Can I achieve it without engaging in a physical combat with a child?
This book has helped me a lot.
It is just one of those books you read and go back to for references.
Oh! I forgot to add I’m aware of “do not spare the rod and spoil the child.”
To be honest, most people use those lines to suit them.
So over to you now.
What book have you read lately?
Endeavour to read good books, not just gossips blogs or tweets. I mean try reading something long and engaging.
Reading is good for your brain and personal development āŗļø
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Kids at some points in their life would touch certain parts of their body. Adults need to guide them and teach them about their body including their genitals. Freud’s psychosexual stages of development explains this.
This is a sensitive post please!!! It is a long post too. Please, grab a cup of your favourite drink and chill.
Are you aware that a child can freely touch any part of their body?
Are you are aware that kids are innocent?
So, why would they touch their head or hand or nose you do nothing BUT when they touch their genitals your spank them?
Ok. Let’s start properly. Some weeks ago I read a post in a group regarding a parent concerned about her 6yrs old behaviour.
It happened that she noticed that from age 2 and half her girl would touch her genital but she tends to do it often now and mainly when she is asleep. She had spanked her a lot and got tired of spanking and needed advice.
Most (98%) of the advice were: She is possessed It is evil spirit Send her to your pastor She needs to see man of God She needs to be circumcised She has an infection
I read those comments and was furious. Below was my response:
“Sorry to hear about this disturbing behaviour in your little one.
Let’s discuss this.
ļChildren being aware of their genitals is not abnormal.
Touching herself is normal for her age.
However it is the consistency of the act that matters.
Kids explores a lot. For some, once they are aware, they will keep indulging till you talk them off it. It is a phase.
Instead of hitting her bum and telling her to stop, try having a chat with her.
Ask her why she does it?
How she feels?
Tell her why you want her to stop it.
If you haven’t had a chat with her regarding her private part, then this is the time too.
It is private. No one should touch it.
Please, kids exploring their private part is common.
It is part of their psychosocial development.
ļI will like you to read about Freud’s 5 stages of development.
It discusses this in details. Whilst the theory isn’t scientifically proven it gives you an idea of what goes on as a child develops.
ļThere is nothing spiritually wrong with your child.
ļDo not touch or do anything to her clitoris.
Do make sure you monitor what she watches, simply to ensure she does not watch porn related contents.
Make sure no form of abuse is going on.
While washing pay attention.
Otherwise, this is a phase that you need to address.
ļThe act is not the problem, it is the frequency or habit that you mentioned.
Talk to her.
This is not about beating.
She will definitely stop.
You can reach out to me.” . . Why I’m I making you aware of this?
I want you to treat kids as innocent creatures they are.
Do not judge them with adult dirty minds.
If they touch a part and feel pleasure or soothing why won’t they indulge in it?
Kids suck thumbs, suck tongues and more to self soothe.
As an adult, start as early as you can to teach kids about their genitals.
Engage them in conversation. Let them know it is a private part. They shouldn’t play with it and no one else should touch it.
Act just like you would to any habit you do not want them to get used to.
Keep practicing for as long as you can till they are grown enough to understand.
They learn quickly. Try it.
So long as you keep talking and explaining to them, they will listen to you.
You might end up begging them to open up during bath times because they are practicing what you taught them.
I was surprised to know the number of people giving the same advise.
Different people liked my comments. I then saw a few comments from people that had same views.
Please, put your phone and data to good use.
For health issues, seek health information on recognised health websites. Not just Google. Any body can post any thing online, it doesn’t mean they are right as the information is not from an expert.
If you live in advanced country, the health or information helpline and sites are there. What I normally advise anyone in the under developed/developing countries is to have a doctor or registered nurse ‘s contact.
Know when to reach out to them for health or kids related advice.
Just so you know, I am a critical care nurse. During the course of my training and till now, I have learnt a whole lot. I studied midwifery too, so I know about kids.
Please read the psychosexual stages of development by Freud. It will help you understand your kids better.
Before you spank a child, have you tried talking to them why you think they shouldn’t carrying out a specific act you dislike?
Please, do not intentionally or ignorantly harm a child you should be guiding.
Your role is to guide them, protect them and teach them.
Do not expose them to unnecessary torture or strangers in the name of deliverance.
Do not cause problems for them.
It is ok not to know much about kids BUT know the right people and places to seek help.
No doubt parenting can be hard. No one knew it all prior having kids. Simply be open to learn and understand these little creatures better.
They are innocent (sorry I want to stress this part).
Endeavour to guide them right.
Let’s say you are wondering, “Oh but my child never touched their private part…”
They all did and would do. Do you know why?
It is part of their psychosexual development. It is possible the times they had explored it only the person closer to them noticed.
So how close are you to them?
Would I argue with you? No please.
The good thing is, this is only a phase and they will outgrow it.
I have read or heard about that severally. I have seen elderly people say they never wanted kids. In fact, an elderly neighbour of over 30years never had kids.
One day while we met outside, she looked at my child and admired her.
“She is adorable. You lot are trying I never wanted one. I can’t give them the life they desire”, she said.
“One has to do what they can as a parent. I do not think I owe them an arm and a leg as a parent”, I responded and laughed.
She told me that every child deserves the best. I simply agreed with her and we ended the chat and parted ways.
Like I had said, she was old, possibly in her 70’s and not so well but those were her views about having kids. I had known her husband when he was alive. I admired how they held hands and walked side by side each time they were out.
If I were to have this conversation with a younger person I would have argued more. We would have discussed further in details.
In my opinion, it is a great idea thinking of giving kids the best.
Like if you can do that, why not?
They are yours and they deserve it and more.
However, one can only give what they have. This implies that you can give the best of what you already have.
For instance, some families can afford holiday to any destination of their choice while some can onlyĀ afford a quality family time to a local eatery or park.
Do what you can please. Be happy and contented.
I believe they are no set rules for parenting and these kids do not come with manualsš¤£
While these create beautiful memories for kids and are needed I do not think it makes any child better than the other.
Kids will develop well, play and be creative regardless of luxury.
On a different note, I met someone at work who had a very different view regarding why she wouldn’t want to have kids.
She publicly mentioned it while we were all talking and having a laugh. I approached her later as I wanted to know more.
She believes she can’t look after a child. She thinks she wouldn’t have their time.
Her mother had her and left her with her granny while she pursued her career. She didn’t have any bond with her mum and had only lost her granny some years back.
According to her, she knew she would not be bothered with having a child to care for and all that. She was only 22years old and was preparing herself for sterilisation.
Sterilisation will means she enjoys her life freely without any fear of pregnancy that could lead to birthing babies.
Let me not bother you with the details of our chat. This young girl’s mind was made up.
Is it possible that her mother has failed her?
If her mum were there for her would she had reasoned differently?
Unfortunately, I can understand why some people have personal reasons why they wouldn’t want to have kids.
Yet there are those who do not think about the kids they already birthed.
There are those that simply have babies believing that God gives.
There are those that believe that relatives, friends or the society will help raise their kids.
This world we live is in truly great. I wouldn’t say unfair.
*****
Why this story?
Be a good parent. Even if that is the only thing you are good at.
Be the best you can.
Those dependents of yours rely greatly on you
Live for them
Model for them
Be there for them
You have a responsibility
You are their influencer
You are their first school and foundation in life.
We need a better society filled with individuals with good heads on their shoulders. Do your bit pleaseš
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