Parenting can be fun though tasking. May all hardworking parents endeavour to make it to kids special events. It makes a difference.
Doing Mummy Duties🧡
Hi Lovely people. Hope you have all been good and in good health? I have missed writing often here. Life happens sometimes right?
Parenting and works is not a joke. Anyway, enough of all that. Let me gist you.
I saw this child the other and I felt I should write about her.
We are at kids school event and everyone was in a happy and celebration mood. We had come to watch the kids perform.
It was a fun packed day both for the kids and parents. We got to participate in the race too. Parents and teachers ran.
Let me tell you what got to me on that very day. During lunch time, all parents were allowed to go and see or get their kids. The school provided lunch and parents were already told to come with packed lunch too.
Live at the sports event
On going to fetch my daughter, I saw this little girl crying. Something drew my attention to her.
She was not just crying, she was not wearing the colourful shirts like other kids.
I went to her. Her lunch from the school was next to her. I asked why she was crying. She said it was because her parents were not there.
I tried to reassure her and try making her to understand that her parents love her and have a good reason not making it to the occasion. The more I talked she sobed.
I asked if she was hungry and she said no. I felt for her. Others kids have their parents supporting them but that isn’t her case.
I had some many snacks on me but careful not to offer as I do not know her allergies. However, she said no too. She was well behaved too.
This incident gave me mixed feelings. I know as parents we need to do our best to provide for our kids. On the other hand, it is imperative that we mark special events with them. They shouldn’t feel left out.
I do not know the full story so I cannot fault her parents that much.
I hope we are able to work, earn well and still able to make our kids special events.
Those special times matters a lot.
It helps them feel loved and special; which they are.
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Kids at some points in their life would touch certain parts of their body. Adults need to guide them and teach them about their body including their genitals. Freud’s psychosexual stages of development explains this.
This is a sensitive post please!!! It is a long post too. Please, grab a cup of your favourite drink and chill.
Are you aware that a child can freely touch any part of their body?
Are you are aware that kids are innocent?
So, why would they touch their head or hand or nose you do nothing BUT when they touch their genitals your spank them?
Ok. Let’s start properly. Some weeks ago I read a post in a group regarding a parent concerned about her 6yrs old behaviour.
It happened that she noticed that from age 2 and half her girl would touch her genital but she tends to do it often now and mainly when she is asleep. She had spanked her a lot and got tired of spanking and needed advice.
Most (98%) of the advice were: She is possessed It is evil spirit Send her to your pastor She needs to see man of God She needs to be circumcised She has an infection
I read those comments and was furious. Below was my response:
“Sorry to hear about this disturbing behaviour in your little one.
Let’s discuss this.
ï“ŒChildren being aware of their genitals is not abnormal.
Touching herself is normal for her age.
However it is the consistency of the act that matters.
Kids explores a lot. For some, once they are aware, they will keep indulging till you talk them off it. It is a phase.
Instead of hitting her bum and telling her to stop, try having a chat with her.
Ask her why she does it?
How she feels?
Tell her why you want her to stop it.
If you haven’t had a chat with her regarding her private part, then this is the time too.
It is private. No one should touch it.
Please, kids exploring their private part is common.
It is part of their psychosocial development.
ï“ŒI will like you to read about Freud’s 5 stages of development.
It discusses this in details. Whilst the theory isn’t scientifically proven it gives you an idea of what goes on as a child develops.
ï“ŒThere is nothing spiritually wrong with your child.
ï“ŒDo not touch or do anything to her clitoris.
Do make sure you monitor what she watches, simply to ensure she does not watch porn related contents.
Make sure no form of abuse is going on.
While washing pay attention.
Otherwise, this is a phase that you need to address.
ï“ŒThe act is not the problem, it is the frequency or habit that you mentioned.
Talk to her.
This is not about beating.
She will definitely stop.
You can reach out to me.” . . Why I’m I making you aware of this?
I want you to treat kids as innocent creatures they are.
Do not judge them with adult dirty minds.
If they touch a part and feel pleasure or soothing why won’t they indulge in it?
Kids suck thumbs, suck tongues and more to self soothe.
As an adult, start as early as you can to teach kids about their genitals.
Engage them in conversation. Let them know it is a private part. They shouldn’t play with it and no one else should touch it.
Act just like you would to any habit you do not want them to get used to.
Keep practicing for as long as you can till they are grown enough to understand.
They learn quickly. Try it.
So long as you keep talking and explaining to them, they will listen to you.
You might end up begging them to open up during bath times because they are practicing what you taught them.
I was surprised to know the number of people giving the same advise.
Different people liked my comments. I then saw a few comments from people that had same views.
Please, put your phone and data to good use.
For health issues, seek health information on recognised health websites. Not just Google. Any body can post any thing online, it doesn’t mean they are right as the information is not from an expert.
If you live in advanced country, the health or information helpline and sites are there. What I normally advise anyone in the under developed/developing countries is to have a doctor or registered nurse ‘s contact.
Know when to reach out to them for health or kids related advice.
Just so you know, I am a critical care nurse. During the course of my training and till now, I have learnt a whole lot. I studied midwifery too, so I know about kids.
Please read the psychosexual stages of development by Freud. It will help you understand your kids better.
Before you spank a child, have you tried talking to them why you think they shouldn’t carrying out a specific act you dislike?
Please, do not intentionally or ignorantly harm a child you should be guiding.
Your role is to guide them, protect them and teach them.
Do not expose them to unnecessary torture or strangers in the name of deliverance.
Do not cause problems for them.
It is ok not to know much about kids BUT know the right people and places to seek help.
No doubt parenting can be hard. No one knew it all prior having kids. Simply be open to learn and understand these little creatures better.
They are innocent (sorry I want to stress this part).
Endeavour to guide them right.
Let’s say you are wondering, “Oh but my child never touched their private part…”
They all did and would do. Do you know why?
It is part of their psychosexual development. It is possible the times they had explored it only the person closer to them noticed.
So how close are you to them?
Would I argue with you? No please.
The good thing is, this is only a phase and they will outgrow it.
