Last Updated on 01/11/2013 by Vivien Ayinotu
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There are times that people who we know quite well seem to do things that tends to put us on the edge and all of a sudden we begin to question a whole lot of things.
It is okay to keep reminding ourselves that no one is perfect not minding the fact that we are still able to find that one person whom we simply choose over others.
While I was chatting with a friend the other day, she sounded really worried and said a couple of things about her partner. She has a plan of how things can be made better and not that he is not willing to accept her idea but it seems not to be very convenient for him now. She complained bitterly. I tried to reason with her but I still made her see reasons with the guy too.
‘You can see he is busy with some other things now, at the meantime let him be. It is not like he is rejecting your idea.’
Why are you this disturbed? I asked because she was furious and that got me worried about them both. Well, we had a nice chat and she was calm and felt better afterwards.
It would be nice of us if we continually evoke that initial passion we had before embarking on anything because it does not only motivates us but also keeps us on our toes as well. When you know that deep down you love someone, don’t cross yourself. Yes, be reasonable but that does not mean that it is going to be very rosy at all times. Love, they say endures all things that is why some people will seem to hurt you severally and you find yourself forgiving them, even before they apologize whereas same acts will be totally not tolerated with other people.
Try and develop a positive way of seeing people and things they do. It really helps and encourages a healthy lifestyle. Bearing a grudge is very bad because no matter how you mask it, it still finds its way and reflects in ones character. You might think that you are doing well and not showing whatever it was but people close to you can tell you act a bit different.
I would encourage discussing it, expressing exactly how you feel in the words that make you feelings or concerns well expressed. You have the right to be angry. There is no formulae in these things, think responsibly and do things your way. When you think the low-and-understanding voice is not working you can try out the high-angry voice, what matters is that at the end of the day you still go back to the normal.
Look at it this way, if you cannot have a quality chat with that very person whats the point going to talk all that through with another. You know them well and should be able to figure out when it is suitable to engage them in such conversations. Off course, you cant just initiate talk you tag ‘serious’ anytime and hope to get a useful response.
Always go for what is suitable for you. For instance, some people might like to chat after dinner time while some early in the morning. You don’t go and wake someone up at midnight because you were told or have read somewhere that midnight talk is the ultimate. Maybe, it was for the writer or for most people they carried out research on at that time but the truth is ‘we are all unique creatures’ some generalised findings cannot be applicable to all at same time. Don’t forget that some people don’t even sleep before that time while some about few minutes before 12, so are you going to wake them up? It’s either they babble first then talk, or later you get a warning for such sleep disturbance. Dozing while talk is going on can equally be achieved with that. I hope I was able make my point clear enough.
When something goes wrong and you still want to be with that person and they also want you, try to let them know how you feel. That’s your life and you make decisions based on what you think you two have been through or what you feel for them. However, when you simply go and offload the ‘problem’ to someone you might get a contradictory advice. Some individuals can probe and dig out some past and unresolved problems and put life into them. Believe me, it happens while others would help you deal with it in a better and reasonable way. Both categories of people do exist, beware of the former except you have loaded your gun and only need help with the trigger.
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You can simply try asking yourself questions like, why is this that, why is that this, if I do this…that happens, if I do that…what could happen? You can make a chart for them if need be. You never can tell, it might help you solve certain issues and minimise times spent in consulting others. Besides, some times people tell us things we already know, though it is not usually the case. Always try your best and leave the rest.
When you learn to see good in people, things can only get better and better but when you do the opposite, even the tiniest fault that can easily be ignored by others will be magnified ten-folds before you.
NB
I actually struggled to write this without mentioning God a couple of times. Always put Him first in all you do.
