Parenting can be fun though tasking. May all hardworking parents endeavour to make it to kids special events. It makes a difference.
Doing Mummy Duties🧡
Hi Lovely people. Hope you have all been good and in good health? I have missed writing often here. Life happens sometimes right?
Parenting and works is not a joke. Anyway, enough of all that. Let me gist you.
I saw this child the other and I felt I should write about her.
We are at kids school event and everyone was in a happy and celebration mood. We had come to watch the kids perform.
It was a fun packed day both for the kids and parents. We got to participate in the race too. Parents and teachers ran.
Let me tell you what got to me on that very day. During lunch time, all parents were allowed to go and see or get their kids. The school provided lunch and parents were already told to come with packed lunch too.
Live at the sports event
On going to fetch my daughter, I saw this little girl crying. Something drew my attention to her.
She was not just crying, she was not wearing the colourful shirts like other kids.
I went to her. Her lunch from the school was next to her. I asked why she was crying. She said it was because her parents were not there.
I tried to reassure her and try making her to understand that her parents love her and have a good reason not making it to the occasion. The more I talked she sobed.
I asked if she was hungry and she said no. I felt for her. Others kids have their parents supporting them but that isn’t her case.
I had some many snacks on me but careful not to offer as I do not know her allergies. However, she said no too. She was well behaved too.
This incident gave me mixed feelings. I know as parents we need to do our best to provide for our kids. On the other hand, it is imperative that we mark special events with them. They shouldn’t feel left out.
I do not know the full story so I cannot fault her parents that much.
I hope we are able to work, earn well and still able to make our kids special events.
Those special times matters a lot.
It helps them feel loved and special; which they are.
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Earlier this year I purchased 5 books, one of them was “The Gentle Discipline Book.”
The Gentle Discipline Book: How to raise co-operative, polite and helpful children Book by Sarah Ockwell-Smith.
I like the fact that almost anything imaginable has been written.
In the course of trying to know how to communicate and raise kids better, I resolved to getting a copy of this book.
This book has made me aware of certain things I did not know when it has to do with dealing with kids.
For instance, it explored their psychology, their behaviours, their hierarchy of needs, what parent expect from kids that are not realistic and many other aspects.
You will be surprised to know that most things that worries you about your kids are quite common with kids generally.
Raising kids can be challenging but it good to know that we are alone.
I like to read or research stuffs, so I knew there is no way I will not read from experts regarding raising better kids and all that it entails.
Before I went for this book one of my major concern was communication with kids.
If there is a way of doing it by mere talking and both parties happy and satisfied at the end why not?
Why spank and stress if there are better options?
I am the type that can be strict sometimes but I want to get it right with kids.
I want to strick a balance and raise a reasonable, well behaved and not spoilt child.
Can I achieve it without engaging in a physical combat with a child?
This book has helped me a lot.
It is just one of those books you read and go back to for references.
Oh! I forgot to add I’m aware of “do not spare the rod and spoil the child.”
To be honest, most people use those lines to suit them.
So over to you now.
What book have you read lately?
Endeavour to read good books, not just gossips blogs or tweets. I mean try reading something long and engaging.
Reading is good for your brain and personal development ☺️
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Kids at some points in their life would touch certain parts of their body. Adults need to guide them and teach them about their body including their genitals. Freud’s psychosexual stages of development explains this.
This is a sensitive post please!!! It is a long post too. Please, grab a cup of your favourite drink and chill.
Are you aware that a child can freely touch any part of their body?
Are you are aware that kids are innocent?
So, why would they touch their head or hand or nose you do nothing BUT when they touch their genitals your spank them?
Ok. Let’s start properly. Some weeks ago I read a post in a group regarding a parent concerned about her 6yrs old behaviour.
It happened that she noticed that from age 2 and half her girl would touch her genital but she tends to do it often now and mainly when she is asleep. She had spanked her a lot and got tired of spanking and needed advice.
Most (98%) of the advice were: She is possessed It is evil spirit Send her to your pastor She needs to see man of God She needs to be circumcised She has an infection
I read those comments and was furious. Below was my response:
“Sorry to hear about this disturbing behaviour in your little one.
Let’s discuss this.
Children being aware of their genitals is not abnormal.
Touching herself is normal for her age.
However it is the consistency of the act that matters.
Kids explores a lot. For some, once they are aware, they will keep indulging till you talk them off it. It is a phase.
Instead of hitting her bum and telling her to stop, try having a chat with her.
Ask her why she does it?
How she feels?
Tell her why you want her to stop it.
If you haven’t had a chat with her regarding her private part, then this is the time too.
It is private. No one should touch it.
Please, kids exploring their private part is common.
It is part of their psychosocial development.
I will like you to read about Freud’s 5 stages of development.
It discusses this in details. Whilst the theory isn’t scientifically proven it gives you an idea of what goes on as a child develops.
There is nothing spiritually wrong with your child.
Do not touch or do anything to her clitoris.
Do make sure you monitor what she watches, simply to ensure she does not watch porn related contents.
Make sure no form of abuse is going on.
While washing pay attention.
Otherwise, this is a phase that you need to address.
The act is not the problem, it is the frequency or habit that you mentioned.
Talk to her.
This is not about beating.
She will definitely stop.
You can reach out to me.” . . Why I’m I making you aware of this?
I want you to treat kids as innocent creatures they are.
Do not judge them with adult dirty minds.
If they touch a part and feel pleasure or soothing why won’t they indulge in it?
Kids suck thumbs, suck tongues and more to self soothe.
As an adult, start as early as you can to teach kids about their genitals.
Engage them in conversation. Let them know it is a private part. They shouldn’t play with it and no one else should touch it.
Act just like you would to any habit you do not want them to get used to.
Keep practicing for as long as you can till they are grown enough to understand.
They learn quickly. Try it.
So long as you keep talking and explaining to them, they will listen to you.
You might end up begging them to open up during bath times because they are practicing what you taught them.
I was surprised to know the number of people giving the same advise.
Different people liked my comments. I then saw a few comments from people that had same views.
Please, put your phone and data to good use.
For health issues, seek health information on recognised health websites. Not just Google. Any body can post any thing online, it doesn’t mean they are right as the information is not from an expert.
If you live in advanced country, the health or information helpline and sites are there. What I normally advise anyone in the under developed/developing countries is to have a doctor or registered nurse ‘s contact.
Know when to reach out to them for health or kids related advice.
Just so you know, I am a critical care nurse. During the course of my training and till now, I have learnt a whole lot. I studied midwifery too, so I know about kids.
Please read the psychosexual stages of development by Freud. It will help you understand your kids better.
Before you spank a child, have you tried talking to them why you think they shouldn’t carrying out a specific act you dislike?
Please, do not intentionally or ignorantly harm a child you should be guiding.
Your role is to guide them, protect them and teach them.
Do not expose them to unnecessary torture or strangers in the name of deliverance.
Do not cause problems for them.
It is ok not to know much about kids BUT know the right people and places to seek help.
No doubt parenting can be hard. No one knew it all prior having kids. Simply be open to learn and understand these little creatures better.
They are innocent (sorry I want to stress this part).
Endeavour to guide them right.
Let’s say you are wondering, “Oh but my child never touched their private part…”
They all did and would do. Do you know why?
It is part of their psychosexual development. It is possible the times they had explored it only the person closer to them noticed.
So how close are you to them?
Would I argue with you? No please.
The good thing is, this is only a phase and they will outgrow it.
I have read or heard about that severally. I have seen elderly people say they never wanted kids. In fact, an elderly neighbour of over 30years never had kids.
One day while we met outside, she looked at my child and admired her.
“She is adorable. You lot are trying I never wanted one. I can’t give them the life they desire”, she said.
“One has to do what they can as a parent. I do not think I owe them an arm and a leg as a parent”, I responded and laughed.
She told me that every child deserves the best. I simply agreed with her and we ended the chat and parted ways.
Like I had said, she was old, possibly in her 70’s and not so well but those were her views about having kids. I had known her husband when he was alive. I admired how they held hands and walked side by side each time they were out.
If I were to have this conversation with a younger person I would have argued more. We would have discussed further in details.
In my opinion, it is a great idea thinking of giving kids the best.
Like if you can do that, why not?
They are yours and they deserve it and more.
However, one can only give what they have. This implies that you can give the best of what you already have.
For instance, some families can afford holiday to any destination of their choice while some can only afford a quality family time to a local eatery or park.
Do what you can please. Be happy and contented.
I believe they are no set rules for parenting and these kids do not come with manuals🤣
While these create beautiful memories for kids and are needed I do not think it makes any child better than the other.
Kids will develop well, play and be creative regardless of luxury.
On a different note, I met someone at work who had a very different view regarding why she wouldn’t want to have kids.
She publicly mentioned it while we were all talking and having a laugh. I approached her later as I wanted to know more.
She believes she can’t look after a child. She thinks she wouldn’t have their time.
Her mother had her and left her with her granny while she pursued her career. She didn’t have any bond with her mum and had only lost her granny some years back.
According to her, she knew she would not be bothered with having a child to care for and all that. She was only 22years old and was preparing herself for sterilisation.
Sterilisation will means she enjoys her life freely without any fear of pregnancy that could lead to birthing babies.
Let me not bother you with the details of our chat. This young girl’s mind was made up.
Is it possible that her mother has failed her?
If her mum were there for her would she had reasoned differently?
Unfortunately, I can understand why some people have personal reasons why they wouldn’t want to have kids.
Yet there are those who do not think about the kids they already birthed.
There are those that simply have babies believing that God gives.
There are those that believe that relatives, friends or the society will help raise their kids.
This world we live is in truly great. I wouldn’t say unfair.
*****
Why this story?
Be a good parent. Even if that is the only thing you are good at.
Be the best you can.
Those dependents of yours rely greatly on you
Live for them
Model for them
Be there for them
You have a responsibility
You are their influencer
You are their first school and foundation in life.
We need a better society filled with individuals with good heads on their shoulders. Do your bit please🙏
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I’ve had a very busy week, by that I mean that I’ve barely had time for myself.
I’m off work today and trying to do some house duties. My little girl took the Tv remote control and before I know it we were watching a movie named “Groundhog day“.
Ordinarily, I would have changed the channel to one of her favourite kids channels but the film was a romantic comedy and I realised I haven’t even seen a good movie in a long time.
The last times I had seen movies were thanks to my husband. He loves watching movies and knows the very good ones. We would simply lay in couch and elope into the world of films. However, when I’m very time-conscious I have zero time for Tv.
So, this time it was my daughter that made me watch. I enjoyed watching every bit of the movie as the weatherman couldn’t get over a particular adventurous day. The film features characters like: Bill Murray, MacDowell and Angela Paton.
It was a good way to relax and unwind from past days event. I like comedy and happy endings, although I can do with some adventures but not horror, at all.
So tell me, What’s your day like?
On a different note, in the coming weeks, I will upload some health posts and give you an update on my book promotion. See you there.
There are lots of cradle cap remedies online but I will tell you what worked for me. By the way, what does cradle cap look like?
Photo credit: Wikipedia
It is oily yellowish patches that appears on the scalp of babies. It is mostly common within 3 months of life and can last up to 1 year. It is not contagious and does not harm the baby.
In my experience, my little one had it and I was really worried but the GP said not to worry that it goes away before most babies one year birthday. However, that was not enough for me. I simply wanted it to go away as soon as possible.
I read a lot online, watched YouTube videos and was not happy with my findings. None seemed to be say what I wanted to hear.
Many sources recommended the usage of olive oil and combing it out after 15 mins. Meanwhile, that was my baby’s hair oil. Strangely, the front part of the scalp where I cover with lots of oil was coated with cradle cap.
I was convinced that ‘Olive oil’ was the culprit and cannot be my solution. This was further confirmed by an article I read too. The link to the article is available at the end of this post.
I searched for shampoos but was worried trying those chemicals on my little ones scalp. Then, a friend told me she had same issue but theirs was very little and gradually disappeared. She said her GP prescribed Capasal therapeutic shampoo for her baby but she never used it.
It was as if that was all I needed – something prescribed by a professional! I used it on my little one and it worked like magic. The first time, I was really careful both on application and on combing of the hair. It worked and I was happy. The second day, I was more confident in using it and most of it came off. On the third day, my baby’s scalp was neat, no traces of cradle cap.
I could not believe the past few weeks and all the time I had spent online reading lots of stuffs that amounted to nothing.
I hope this post gets to someone who needs remedy that I needed or to someone that knows someone. However, every baby is different. What worked for mine might not be suitable for yours.
Below are sites for further reading on the topic. I found them very informative.
The other day as I was about leaving the church, I ran into a woman who usually sit behind me with her family. As we exchanged greetings, she beckoned on me to wait for her which I did. There was a function that she wanted to get full details of it from the priest so, I stood by the corner and waited for her as there were others before her who have one or two issues to discuss with the priest as well.
When it got to hers, she inquired from him about the function. It was a function that only interested parishioners will be attending outside the parish. She told the priest that she would be attending with her kids but as she do not know much about it she did not have enough money with her to pay up immediately. It was the last Sunday to pay up but the Priest told her when she can come and make a late payment during the week.
While they were finalising the issue, his son who has been waiting for her too walked up to her and she joyfully introduced him to the priest. As they already knew each other the Priest said that he was pleased to know that some youngsters would be attending the function too. But the boy bluntly said that he is not attending while his mother insisted that he must attend. The priest was surrounded by others and had to attend to them.
This woman felt very bad about her son’s refusal to attend the function. She was more angered that he made his intentions clear before the priest. Instantly, she scolded him and asked him to make sure he gets home before her and clean up the whole house before her arrival.
She and her little girl joined me and we left. She complained bitterly about what her son just did, saying that it simply tells the priest and others present that she isn’t a good parent. She said that his son is a very humble and obedient child but she cannot figure out why he did that.
She kept complaining and said it was the devil that entered into him and made him say that. At this point, I was beginning to get worried as I think she was talking it too far. To think of it, he only said he isn’t going and I do not see nothing wrong with that. Besides, being a fifteen-year old, boys about his age doesn’t usually attend such function and he might have considered it boring.
Although I know that church functions are good for people of all ages, I do think this case should be this serious. But I did not say anything in particular to her so that she do not think it is the devil that entered into me too and must have made say so.
She said that he must attend it whether he likes it or not.
On that very day, I met her again at the function but she was only with her little daughter. I asked after her family and she seem not pleased with them. She said that her husband said he was not going to come and needed a companion at home,which is their son, whom she already had told that he must come with her.
She complained about having wanted all to come along and how her husband said he is not interested. To her, this is quite unusual, her family usually pray together but now her husband don’t join them anymore and says that he do say his on the bed whereas she cannot tell whether he actually does. Once he is on the bed he sleeps off the next minute.
And they all worried her.
I began to understand her better being that her reaction was based on the fact that they usually do all these things together as one lovely family. It made me wonder if there were other things wrong because with her complaints I just did not see her happy.
I encouraged her not to give up on them but pray for them as she is fully aware of the benefits of making God the head of ones home. I urged her to always approach them nicely especially in regards to their spiritual life. They can even play or make jokes about them. I tried to make her understand that when she talk her son nicely into such functions it would be more successful for her and very beneficial to him than forcing him, which could yield a different result.
She seem pleased with what I have told her and said that she is trying. We then concentrated on what we came for.
In my opinion, when his son attends these functions in good faith he would be actively involved and can do more on his own but when he is always compelled to do so, he might only comply but when he gains his freedom would never partake in such events. Then, what would be the essence?
Finally, I hope we all see the essence of worshiping God in our lives and various families. And to all those having difficulties in their families, the Lord is your strength. If you think you are the only one concerned while others have do not care, keep faith. God will see you through.
It was a journey of about six hours but due to the traffic, stops and bad roads, it lasted longer than required. I was travelling to Lagos from the east, Onitsha to be precise. Without wasting much time many passengers bordered the luxurious bus and the journey began.
A friend had warned me earlier about the ill-occurrences that take place on the roads especially around this time of the year and encouraged me to fly rather than using the roads. He listed many cases of theft, rape and killings happening on the highway lately. Funny enough, a relative said a similar thing to me. I thought about the time and inconvenience regarding getting myself to the nearest airport which is in Owerri and far from my hometown. Meanwhile, I have already made arrangement with a local Driver to travel with him on that day.
So, bearing all these on my mind I decided to pray as long as I can throughout the journey. I said the rosary and kept repeating it till I lost count of how many decades I had actually said. However, I recall a woman sitting beside me kept staring at me and later joined me. Surprisingly to her, she has completed five decades and am still reciting mine. She glanced at me once more and gently folded her rosary and put it inside her bag.
When we got to Benin, there was a brief stop; time for Lunch, stretching and restroom. Few minutes later, we got back to the bus. I was holding my rosary once more but this time I was interrupted. She asked ‘are you still praying?’ and I answered ‘yes’. She didn’t go further and I then asked her if anything was the problem that I can actually talk.
Huh! That was how I said bye bye to my marathon prayer session, not knowing I have said enough to see me through the journey. Hahaha!
She asked me where am from?
My family,what I studied, my job…
My relationship status…
My plans for the future…
And I answered very well. Yes! Honest answers.
It was during this question time that I really noticed the personality sitting beside me. This woman was so lovely. Her looks, height, stature and the way she talked can be likened to that of one of my favorite aunt( Aunt Dora),and I mentioned that to her too.
I noticed that in between talks her husband calls came in and they kept making jokes about how he was missing her and how he was going to leave before time to make sure he doesn’t keep her waiting after the long journey. If my guess is right, she should be in her mid-fifties or there-about, am not that wonderful in guessing ages right by mere looks. She had been away for a week to look after her mother-in-law.
It was now her turn to do most of the talking. She told me to never underestimate prayers and went on and told me how God has been faithful to her. I was very lucky to have such a caring man as a husband and from her persistent phone calls, their love remained evergreen. She smiled and said that she deserved it, that marriage is not as easy as it looks.
Back in her teens as a student, she mistakenly fell pregnant for a man that showered her with lots of gifts and promised her marriage. Initially, she was worried that her parents would not be happy and she would like to complete her secondary school education first. It was actually her first time of having sex and she got trapped. It made her see her whole dream of better life crumbling before her. When she broke the news to the man he wasn’t even surprise and told her where she would go for an abortion and made the necessary arrangements. She was shocked but did not allow him know how she felt.
She started praying to God, made all sorts of promises if she happens to come out alive after going under the knife and still be fertile. That day came and pass. At the clinic she got to know that her lover was a regular, always bringing in different girls. She never contacted him again and that was how their story ended. She told no one about it, not even her mother or close friends. And has not mentioned it to her loving husband, who sees her as the best.
On completion of her studies, she went on holiday and met a man that couldn’t take his eyes off her. He has already met her Uncle and made his intentions clear, so it was not hideous this time, though she was yet to tell her parents. Her parents consented when they heard about it, traditional marriage rites were carried out and she took in for this man. Her parents were not happy as they wanted it to be after the impending white wedding as they were staunch Catholics but she was overjoyed knowing that her womb was not damaged after-all. The religious perspective meant nothing to her, knowing her ordeal. She then left her family house and joined her husband.
Later, they had a white wedding following her delivery. Her husband trained her in the University and she now owns a Secondary School in Lagos. They are blessed with Three boys.
In regards to her loving husband, she said they have been very supportive of each other. According to her, some years back her marriage was not that lovely as it is now. There was a time her husband kept late nights and talked to her like she meant nothing to him. She was confused but never allowed that affect her work because she needed to be there for her kids no matter what. She sought advice and got different versions but only an Elderly woman encouraged her to be herself and should still care for her husband and not even raise her voice towards him. It was so difficult for her and most times she ended up challenging her husband because she is human and as it was in tune with advice from other numerous sources.
Her situation got worse and close friends were becoming aware of her condition. She got tired of complaining to any one. She ran into the same old woman who wanted to know how she was faring and she told her how her marriage has deteriorated and how she was not able to do exactly as she told her. The woman told her that she never said it was going to be very easy but that was all she needed to do to redeem her marriage. She made her understand that with such attitude and prayer her husband will come back to his senses soon while hostility will drive him further away and make him jump to conclusions.
Amidst these trial period, she loved and missed her husband. She pulled herself together and this time took this woman’s advice wholeheartedly. She welcomes him, be it midnight or 2 am, helps him remove his clothes, if he is willing to eat fine, if he isn’t, she will gently send her food back to the kitchen. She continued this way and was almost getting used to the routine, when her husbands character gradually started changing as though it was magic. He began chatting her up and coming home on time, till one day he was able to narrate to her how another woman almost destroyed their marriage.
She explained to me how her husband would prefer to borrow money from outsiders for business to make her see him as man of the house but those days are gone with the wind as no one knows how they handle their affairs any more. She made her husband understand that he trained her and her money is simply his. With God on her side, school business in Lagos is very lucrative and being the hardworking type she has been able to get sponsorship from Cowbell and the likes.
They started assisting each other financially, spiritually and all the -lly’s you can think of. Her husband’s business booms and they both live comfortably and very happy. Above all, they turned out to be best friends and are inseparable.
She did not forget to tell me that some of their friends and even few relatives were not happy with their progress. Besides, there is no word in her dictionary like ‘close or best friend.’ Her husband is now her all-in-one. She also mentioned how vital sex is in marriage, owing to the fact that men love sex and how she continually prays for Gods grace upon her family.
Remember, we were still in the bus. She alighted at Berger and I tiredly started looking around through the window to the lovely views of Lagos. The journey was a very long one but I enjoyed it.
Lastly, I thank God for a smooth and safe journey.
I had a wonderful Thursday when I visited St Angela Day care. The kids were all lovely and adorable. I really had a nice time there and I think am beginning to envy those that spend their whole day working with kids. In my opinion, it implies that they hardly get angry and have to be in play mood most times.
They do not shout to these kids or even smack them when they misbehave, rather they correct them in a calm and polite manner. They do this on daily basis, monthly, and for many years? What an essential ingredient for happiness and longevity.
I had a chat with a Rev. Sr friend of mine, the person who actually invited me. She said Vivien can you believe I have been working with kids for over 35 years? How have you been coping with different kids from different backgrounds and perhaps values as well? I screamed. In response, she said that the kids they have here in England are few and not that difficult to manage, unlike her experience while she was in Malta.
She took me round the whole place and I loved their choice of colours. Everywhere was so colourful and very neat. The pink toilet was charming (maybe you could have lunch there). Their play room and garden were lovely. They had a roaster for daily activities which varies throughout the week. Some of these activities include: Daily roll call, singing and playing instruments, educative talk by a staff, recreation, sleep, watching educating videos, listening to music from different countries and so on.
In Malta, she worked in an Orphanage. According to her, there were always many kids to carter for and they all need to be shown love and affection. She mentioned a case of a baby whose parents got drowned in a river and another who was brought to them from a river as well with no name and no known country of origin. Those children live on the generous donations of people.
